05/09/08

"As I've always said, when a person wants to compete with you - let them. Let them win. Agree to be last. Go into the next race, the next game, the next whatever, and agree to be last. And if you're ahead and you're close to the line, trip over, fall down, lose your shoe, get lost, but make sure you don't win. Because it says, doesn't it, in the great book: "the last shall be first, and the first shall be last", and most people don't listen! So they're up on the freeway ten to six in the morning going up, up, up, trying to be first. Hey wait a minute, you don't want to be first, you want to be last; last is the safest place to be.

 

You know, they say like: 'look, why aren't you looking perfect', you say: 'well I don't like looking perfect, you look perfect, I'll look less than perfect. And me looking scruffy and terrible will make you look more beautiful, won't that help you? You know, I'm not competing with you'. And so that's how we torment ourselves, we torment ourselves to be perfect. If you give up on being perfect, that's the same thing as agreeing to be last, agreeing to lose. You don't need to be perfect, we didn't come to be perfect, that's just a torment you inflict upon yourself; it's a psychological tormenter, for no reason at all.

 

I have a dear friend of mine and whenever he makes a big mess of something, he'll say like: 'man, I'm sorry but I just had a terrible wreck in your car - love me.' That's all he ever says: love me. You know, he's like: 'look man, I'm sorry I offended you and I lost my temper, love me. I'm sorry I'm late, love me. I'm sorry I failed, love me.' So when you're less than perfect and you stuff it up and you break the vase, you say: 'look, I'm sorry I broke the vase, love me. Just love me.'

 

I have no wizardry. I'll make softness in my own heart my wizardry. I have no plan. I'll make walking gently every day my plan. 'What's your plan, man?' 'I don't have a plan, that's my plan', they say: 'why don't you have a plan?' you say: 'because planning is yang, it's intellectual, it's expecting the same things to happen next week that happened this week, how many millions have been lost on than kind of plan? It doesn't work. You know, 'what's your plan', 'I don't have a plan' what do you intend to do? I don't know, I haven't gotten any ideas, I may do nothing. So again, it's this idea, when you get to a crossroads, you don't know which way to go - you can struggle and you can tear and beat on your chest and pull on your blouse or whatever, trying to work out which way do I do - excuse me, if you arrive at a crossroads and you don't know where to go, there's only one answer: go nowhere! Stop. Pitch your tent, that's it, stop right there, don't go anywhere, because if it's not in your feelings, if it's not coming through from your soul, then why would you go anywhere?

 

I walked up a mile on the road and I realized I'd left my shoes behind. So I decided I didn't need the shoes and I thought maybe one of those men behind would like the shoes instead. 'Didn't you go back for the shoes!?' No, I didn't go back for the shoes. 'What will you do without shoes!?' I'm walking barefeet. 'What will you do if you lose your left leg? Hop. Hop. 'Do you need legs?' Well, I'd like to have legs, yes, but if I don't have legs, I'll crawl around. 'What if you can't see?' Oh, I don't know, I'll learn grail. 'What if you die?' How do you know that living is better than dying? 'What if you're not here?' If I'm not here, I'm not here. And if I'm here, it's beautiful. If I'm not here, it'll also be beautiful. Love me, just love me."

~ Stuart Wilde, hilariously crazy author, from his book "The Journey Beyond Enlightment".

02/09/08

"You have the right to live a happy and purposeful life, and it begins with making the correct spiritual choises. When you have been touched by the eternal truths of the spiritual dimensions (note: compassion, gratitude, love and forgiveness), you cannot possibly go back to the old way of living.

 

Everything I thought about life completely changed. It was as if I had been driving a car all my life, and then suddenly discovered that I could take a plane to get to my destination. Once I experienced flying, I couldn't deny that it existed. I was able to see the world from thirtythousand feet, and with this new perspective, my knowledge of the world expanded.

 

Life is about change and growth. Change is the only constant we have. This being said, having spiritual knowledge is not enough. We must also possess a certain amount of faith, trust and courage, to step out of limited belief systems and self-imposed expectations and try a brand new experience. Knowledge is power, and awareness is truth. I have learned that when one seeks truth, one has to become responsible for oneself. As a being, you are made of many parts. It is ludicrous to believe that your soul is limited in any way. A soul is not human. It comprises vibrations and frequencies that go way beyond the physical realm. Each vibration and frequency has a distinct appearance. Your body is at the lowest end of the soul's frequency. It is dense and slow moving. At the highest end of the soul's frequency, is the purer part of you. It is your higher self. The higher self is your true nature. It has been referred to as the god-self, or the Christ consciousness. It connects you directly to the spiritual realms and transcends your limited consciousness. The higher self is one of joy, love, compassion and happiness. The higher self contains the unpolluted and wholesome elements of your soul that are just waiting to be discovered and expressed. Whenever you say the words "I love you" to another, you are bringing forth the elements of your higher self. The higher self is different from the lower self, or ego self, because the latter is part of the human being. The ego self is completely focused on itself; if misused or imbalanced, this self becomes trapped in the illusions of the physical world, and desires things it cannot have. How difficult is it to move beyond the low desires of the ego self and become aware of the higher elements of our true being? Remember that first and foremost, you are already spirit. Your higher self already exists. You are remembering what you already know."

~ James Van Praagh, from his book "Ghosts Among Us". I stumble into irresistable paragraphs these days and can't help but put them here. :) Praagh is a loved American medium (yes, in the "I see dead people" sense) who to my delight weaves phrases into his talk from people like Wayne Dyer, such as: "We must realize that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but indeed that it is the other way around. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.", Eckhart Tolle: "Mindfulness is living in the now. By bringing your focus back to the now moment, you can begine to experience the fullness of your inner and outer realities and make a conscious decision about how you want to use your thoughts.", and hypnotist Paul McKenna: "Think of one thing you love to do. Visualize it, analyze it, make it real, embellish it, give the feeling a name, then double the feeling!".

 

31/08/08

"Of all the traps and pitfalls in life, self-disesteem is the deadliest, and the hardest to overcome; for it is a pit designed and dug by our own hands, summed up in the phrase, 'It's no use - I can't do it.' The penalty of succumbing to it is heavy - both for the individual in terms of material rewards lost, and for society in gains and progress unacheived.

 

The word "esteem" literally means to appreciate the worth of. Why do men stand in awe of the stars, and the moon, the immensity of the sea, the beauty of a flower or a sunset, and at the same time downgrade themselves? Did not the same Creator make man? Is not man himself the most marvelous creation of all? This appreciation of your own worth is not egotism unless you assume that you made yourself and should take some of the credit.

 

Do not downgrade the product merely because you haven't used it correctly. Don't childishly blame the product for your own errors like the schoolboy who said, "This typewriter can't spell"."

~ Maxwell Maltz, 1899-1975, plastic surgeon that realized people couldn't always change who they were by changing their appearance. The above text is from a contribution to This Week Magazine, brought in his book Psycho-Cybernetics (meaning the science of control and development of machines applied to the human mind). This book was published in 1960 and is tied to many authors works that was to follow, including Vernon Howard, I'm certain. It's one of those books that takes a long time to read, not because of its length (pocket-size) but because the reader must put it down often to think about what has been said. I picked it up half a year ago and still haven't gotten further than page 123. :)

29/08/08

"Several years ago I was at a cocktail party where I got into a very heated debate about American foreign policy. Later that night, I had a kind of waking dream. A gentleman appeared to me and said, "Excuse me, Miss Williamson, but we thought we should tell you: In the cosmic role call, you are considered a hawk, not a dove."

I was incensed. "No way," I said indignantly. "I'm totally for peace. I'm a dove all the way."

"I'm afraid not," he said. "I'm looking on our charts, and it says very clearly right here: Marianne Williamson, warmonger. You're at war with Ronald Reagan, Caspar Weinberger, the CIA, in fact the entire American defense establishment. No, I'm sorry, You're definitely a hawk.

 

I saw, ofcourse that he was right. I had just as many missiles in my head as Ronald Reagan had in his. I spent years as an angry left-winger before I realized that an angry generation can't bring peace."

~ Marianne Williamson, from "A Return to Love".

Rofl.

22/08/08

I'll make an author recommendation for those of you out there interested in quality books on spiritual growth. I'm grateful that someone finally uploaded a video of Vernon Howard (1918 - 1992) a few months ago on youtube. He's a relatively unknown author, but I had the good fortune to have the book Psycho-Pictography (meaning Mental Pictures) recommended to me by someone pretty rare himself, and the text floored me. He has written lots and lots of books, and reading them has made him one of my favourite teachers on these subjects. He speaks harshly in this video, but, like the rest of his work, it's all so genuinuly helpful!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H00a_707mWY

 

"And ah, I've told you many times and I think it'd be a good idea to repeat it. That if the whole world out there, all four billion people and all the events of life, if all four billion people and fifty billion events surrounded you, and clawed at you, and roared at you - if you were a right person, you wouldn't feel a thing."

 

19/08/08

Behold!

 

After rearranging furniture in my place, I came up with this study table for chess. For those who don't know, sometimes 2 boards can be useful; one for analysis, one for keeping track of the original position. The small board is from my childhood and the big one is one I bougth at Politiken Cup last year. You might recognize it (pieces and the way light falls across it) from a chess drawing or two since it's also my reference board! Please don't judge me on the "Play 1...b6" book in the background, I haven't sorted my books yet and those are just a few, although I admit 1...b6 or Owen's Defense was the first opening I played as black after being disgusted with my lack of real knowlegde in the Sicilian at Politiken Cup (I remember nightmare scenarios as a child, facing the closed Sicilian and being CLUELESS). In the autumn, I picked up weird openings like the Bird to stay out of theory. Not that staying out of theory was always so great, I remember horribly blundering an a8 Rook in a tournament game after 7 moves or so, having it picked up on the light diagonal by a Queen. Okay, just to avoid the total patzer label, I better mention my elo is 1950 and I like to think I've improved (like, a percentage out of 100.000.00 percentages possible improvement!) and besides, my brain was crushed that day. Although it seems noone who loses ever claims to be well. :p

 

Anyway, the position on the board is a chess puzzle that was mentioned in Hallman's 'Chess Artist' - have 8 Queens on the board and make it so noone is threatened by another. It's not as easy as it seems, first I thought I could simply find 8 safe squares by looking for them one by one, but by Queen 6, there aren't any left if you haven't been careful. I can rearrange the Queens, but am stuck at Queen 7. I'm going to bed and leaving the puzzle for tomorrow, although tomorrow is another day dedicated to chemistry, since I have my chemistry exam this Friday. Chemistry is a lovely subject though, and it has been a nice three weeks of facing intellectual challenges that aren't related to the problems of chess!

30/07/08

A friend of mine died this Friday night/saturday morning under circumstances that at the time of writing are still unclear, even to his family. An accident. I've known Frank for.. 4-5 years, since taking up martial arts at CSA. He's about 30 years. I loved him for his depth and quirky sense of humor. He was a nihilist. I agree with Nietzsche that those who cannot praise life are free to leave it, and Franke did.

 

All the love that he and his family could have shared is now gone. He will no longer be there when they need him, except for in their hearts where, hopefully, he will be kept immortal.

 

Death doesn't terminate life, not even in the purely biological sense, since according to nature enzymes must be passed on either to the preditors or to the earth. Therefore, I view death as the end of a form, but not the end of life itself. Life remains out there and will be recycled.

 

No, the real loss is not to the world or to his family, but rather to his own wasted years. This is not an uncommon thing: millions of people drink, just to shut down consciousness. Recognizing your own beauty is a hard thing to do and I guess it's no wonder people don't see it until you nearly lose it, it's lost, or someone dear to you loses it. That's what I grieve, that people while alive don't see how infinitely beautiful they are at their core, and therefore fail to nurture this light, occasionally even snuffing it out. It's not something that can be easily communicated in words. It's a silent knowledge of the value of life. It's what makes naturalistic drawing of people and nature so satisfying. The intelligence and potential inherent in life's design, yours just because you are human. So stop wasting it. It's almost blasphemy.

 

This sunny day outside is a gift. 14 hours of warm sunshine, time yours to fill as you wish. How will you use it?

23/07/08

Well, it's summer, so not many things to report apart from, you know, just enjoying the free time and sunny days. I'm thinking about spending more time studying chess instead of drawing chess, so I'm arranging for a Chess Table in my room. Also, I can't concentrate at all on video lectures or watching grandmasters play anymore - if ICC was a classom, I'd be the annoying student either looking out a window or throwing paper balls at easily disturbed friends - so I'm taking that's a sign I need to do my own work soon. It would be so nice to play in tournaments with solid knowledge of what I'm (supposed to be) playing, instead of the fooling around and testing, one could almost say chess cartooning, that I've done over the board since last summer. It's actually exactly one year ago now since I begun playing again! An anniversary of sorts! Yay me!!!!!

 

You said, "Who's at the door?"
I said, "Your slave."

You said, "What do you want?"
"To see you and bow."

"How long will you wait?"
"Until you call."

"How long will you cook?"
"Until the Resurrection."

We talked through the door. I claimed
a great love and that I had given up
what the world gives to be in that love.

You said, "Such claims require a witness."
I said, "This longing, these tears."

You said, "Discredited witnesses."
I said, "Surely not!"

You said, "Who did you come with?"
"This majestic imagination you gave me."

"Why did you come?"
"The musk of your wine was in the air."

"What is your intention?"
"Friendship."

"What do you want from me?"
"Grace."

Then you asked, "Where have you been most comfortable?"
"In the palace."

"What did you see there?"
"Amazing things."

"Then why is it so desolate?"
"Because all that can be taken away in a second."

"Who can do that?"
"This clear discernment."

"Where can you live safely then?"
"In surrender."

"What is this giving up?"
"A peace that saves us."

"Is there no threat of disaster?"
"Only what comes in your street, inside your love."

"How do you walk there?"
"In perfection."

 

Khamush.

 

~ Jalal ad-Din Rumi, 1207-1273, the most-read poet in America today, despite being a mystic. :)

06/07/08

 

Illustration by thegreenleaf.co.uk.

Poem by Ikkyu Sojun, 15 century Zen master.

 

"Who is looking, then? Is it you, the little person, or is there something greater than the person looking through your eyes? Greater than you, yet you. There's an energy, consciousness itself is looking. No longer the limited, conditioned consciousness as the person. When the mind is still and you perceive the other person.. Who is perceiving? One could say there's nobody anymore, not a person as such is perceiving, because there's no judgement and labelling. And so gradually you know yourself as that, not as the person; as the consciousness itself, and the consciousness itself looks.

 

And when you look at the world as consciousness, you see incredible beauty everywhere. And you see - oh, whereever you look, there's a strange sense of "I'm looking at myself". Now, you don't have to formulate those words, but there's a strange sense of everything is basically you, because everything is consciousness, and expression of consciousness in some form. Every human, every plant, every flower, every planet and every sun is an expression, consciousness become something temporarily. So when you look from a place that is deeper than your form, consciousness looks and sees itself in another form. It's a beautiful sense of whereever I look, whereever I go, I encounter myself in some other form. And I look at this flower, and there's a deep sense that it is really that I am that.

 

The essense of who I am - and I'm speaking as you - is expressed in millions and billions of lifeforms everywhere. And that beauty, in this form, ofcourse it's not going to last for very long.. because the flower, in a few days, it will wilt. And yet, that beauty is inseperable from consciousness. It is simply an external expression of something that is inherent, unmanifested continously in consciousness. Not timebound. So in the state of presence, or non-labelling, knowing other lifeforms as yourself is what, is actually.. that is deepest meaning of love. "

 

~ Eckhart Tolle

 

27/06/08

Fractals in art and fractals in nature:

 

 

Fractal geometry is the basis of a kind of art that had its first images made in the eighties, on what was supercomputers of the time. Now that everyone has what could easily own a supercomputer 20 years ago, fractal art is booming among digital artists. It's based on theory that was discovered in the late 1700s, that talk about having an equation, taking the result of it and running the equation on the result, then running the equation on the result of that result, and repeating this process a couple of million times to create images. When these theories were developed, noone had a clue of what it might actually look like, but we do today. (Above)

 

It's basically awesome, because it's a reflection of what nature - life - does on several levels. I never thought of a plant as being a fractal, but it's obvious to me now that the same "equation" for leaf is being run over and over again on a weed, creating beautifully unique and ornate structures, pleasant to the eye because it, despite the chaos of complexity, follows a pattern. Notice forests and snowflakes.

 

The most interesting thing about it though, is the way it puts human life into perspective. Within our bodies, are trillions of cells living together in a close space, working in harmony to create the intelligence that human ego then takes credit for. Imagine if we could coordinate our mere six billion "cells" on the surface of the earth to unite in the work of creating an intellligence above our current level, instead of doing what we're doing today: destroying our environment. The clever thing about fractals is that it implies you can take the rules from a simpler level and apply them to the more confusing parts of the subject, and the rules will still apply (because the levels are organized by the same principles). Thus, if you need to understand how people need to behave in order to live productive and happy lives, the answer lies within; in the way cells behave every day in our bodies right here.

 

There's a way too common misunderstanding that detatchment, stubborness, anger and indifference to the world and people around you is somehow a sign of great "strength" or "character"/individuality. The truth is that people who choose a mindset like this translate to cancer cells. Parasites on the system of the human organism, refusing to do any work but still feeding and eventually waging war on it. Sadly, we are a sick organism already: alcohol, refined foods, additives and artificial sweeteners, television, drugs, media, and general seperation from nature = western civilization has been bullshitting itself on a grand scale the last hundred years, atleast. Ofcourse the disease has been developing for longer than that, probably since the first sugar plantations had slave workers. Removing 90 percent of the cane and refining the last 10 percent as though you were trying to make heroin (and indeed succeeding in creating an addictive substance), was not mankind's brightest idea.

 

But maybe this is not so weird considering the dinosaurian minds of the governments who lead us. Only problem with that excuse is: who picked the people in governments? *blush*

 

Fractal concepts can even be applied to evolution. The evolution of fish to mammals relates to the evolution of human society up untill this point, and the future of our society can be influenced in a beneficial manner by understanding the past, and the repetition of fractals both inside and outside of ourselves. A fun exercise in everyday life, is to identify these patterns and use them to better guide your behavior towards natural behavior - in other words, towards coming home.

 

21/06/08

"To really live is to be in exuberant health continually, and when in that condition nothing palls on one, nothing is devoid of interest, and life is the swellest job in the world. When in splendid health every breath we draw is filled with inspiration, everything we do is full of interest, there are so many things to do, so much to accomplish, so many delectable prospects in life that even if we are poor and unknown we still may fully enjoy life, for life is a splendid thing if we are really alive."
~ Dr. William Howard Hay, 1866-1940, pioneer of many nutritional concepts.

Dear Housewives,
If you love your husbands, keep them away from white bread... if you don't love them, cyanide is quicker, but bleached bread is just as certain and no questions asked.
~ Doris Grant, 1905-2003, popularizer of those nutritional concepts.

12/06/08

Umm, I think it'll probably be another 2 weeks before I finish this current portrait. I'm midway through it, but the last week I've only spent one or two hours per day on it, even taking a couple of off-days. I guess holidays aren't the best time to draw, after all! This makes me kinda look forward to school starting again in a few months, so I can have my usual 10-hour sessions at the place; arrive morning, leave evening. :)

Weather has been just completely stunning, desertlike. It's difficult not to get restless and seek outdoor fun, when the sun is beaming from an all-blue sky, and the air is thick with fragrances. Nights are usually a good time to draw, but I've stopped being a fan of ruined sleep-patterns so will no longer stay up all night for this. I'm hoping for a week of crappy weather to come, so I can feel justified doing indoor activities, like reading. Holiday has been good for that, I've finished alot of traditional books and audio books that I normally can't prioritize because of school. Combining audiobooks with drawings is actually my new mission, so I'll pray for rain and cold temperatures and dedicate a full day for drawing when God fulfills my wish!

Right now I'm listening to an audiobook by biologist Bruce Lipton, on the topic of cells. I'd like to share this quote from it with you all:

Let's take a look at assumption number two: that genes control biology. Why this is so important, is because this is a belief that is being taught to elementary school students and high school students and college and graduate school students, and we all buy into the belief that genes are the factor that controls our lives. Is this really real? Well, I have to stand back as a scientist and be a little critical of the research that led to this, because there's a very important way of doing science, is that you observe things in nature and then record your observations and then try to understand how they work by generating a hypothesis about what you observe, and then doing experiments to see if your hypothesis is correct. This is not the same as coming in with an idea and then asking the world "Is this idea right or wrong?", so in one sense you're open to the world showing you something and in the other sense you're asking the world if your belief is right, and then trying to do an experiment to test that.

Well, the second version there is really not very good science, because you're already coming in with a preconceived notion. And what's relevant about that, is that in the physics that we just talked about, one of the things that was most striking to me, was that when I got to the point of quantum-mechanics and the study of it.. are the fundamental units that make up an atom, are they energy or are they matter? Or in other words: are they particles or waves? Particles are substance, waves are immaterial energy, and the question is: are the subunits of an atom particles or waves? And here's what the results revealed: that if you perceived them as particles, and set up an experiment to study them as particles, then the subunits of the atom appeared to be particles. In contrast, if you perceived them as waves, and designed an experiment that measures waves, and then look at these elementary units, they appear as waves! So all of the sudden, what I started to read and it was so profound I had to read it a number of times, over and over again, that the conclusion of these studies revealed: the observer creates the reality. I had to read that over and over again, because the nature is, okay, I'm observing fundamental units of atoms. If I consider them particles, they manifest as particles. If I consider them waves, they manifest as waves. And the question is: yea, but at what level of my observing of the universe does this work or does this not work? And the interesting thing is, physicists have now come to.. well, actually were there in the 1920s, but it took a while for them to really come to owning the meaning of quantum-mechanics. That we all collectively create the world that we live in through our observations. That in fact there was a wonderful paper in the July 2005 issue of Nature, by Richard Hart, a physicist from Hopkins University, his article entitled "The Immaterial Universe". And what he was writing, is that the universe is made out of energy, and that through mentation and spirit, he claimed - and this is really wonderful because he's a physicist from a hardcore world of conventional acedemia - claimed that the universe is immaterial, that it's mental and spiritual in nature, and that really what he's saying is what I read a long time ago: the world that we observe, is the world that we create.

And this is very hard for most people to accept, in fact when quantum-physics were first becoming accepted as the mechanisms by which the universe operates, the physicists in those days had troubles themselves with this, because they could say: well, okay, I can see these ideas working at the level of atoms and molecules, but I can't bring that kind of weirdness into my life! So, there was an arbitary decicion back in the 1920s, that said "let's restrict quantum-mechanics to the world of atoms and molecules, and use Newtonian physics to describe the rest of the world", and that's why biology just went on its merry way using Newtonian physics. And yet we're beginning to see today work like Richard Hart's, or even Stewen Hawking recently released a paper, saying again the very same thing: the universe is created by our observations, that we create the field and the field shapes the particle. So why this becomes important, is that we are participating in the world, and creating the world, and we have to own that our participation is involved with our own mentation, and that our mentation is not contained within our head. That's what the magnetograph study revealed, which then says: your thoughts go into the field and shape the field that you live in.

The big lesson, the returning home lesson, is: be careful of what you think or ask for, as the asians would say, because this is what you're going to get, it's not a coincidence. That we are actively involved in physically shaping the world that we experience. So it's important for us again to recognize the nature of the energy of our thoughts in this creation. When we take that understanding and then apply it to our beliefs, our beliefs become that particular reality. So if I tell you, as assumption number two.. your life is controlled by genes, and you buy that, and then you look at your history and your family and you say "jees, my father died when he was 52, and my grandfather died when he was 48, and his father died when he was 53", and you're approaching 50, you would start to get a little bit nervous by thinking "oh my goodness, I am genetically predisposed to die pretty soon". Interesting fact is, that if this becomes your mantra, your thought, then you actually can contribute to this reality; that your belief will actually manifest itself and that you will die. If you belive you're gonna get cancer, you can get cancer from the belief.. and this is a new understanding because we're beginning to realize how the nature of our thoughts is translated into our biology, and our biology is not derived from the genes, but is mediated by the genes. The genes offer potentials, that's what they offer. The genes don't say how the parts of the body ought to be used and what we should stress and what we shouldn't stress. So this new research, coming from the human genome project, is forcing us to consider the concept of other mechanisms of control.

28/05/08

Ta-daah!

 

 

Although I've enjoyed playing chess as a single member of the Danish chess union since last summer, if I were to join a chess club, it'd probably be www.k41.dk. Not only is it one of the most active clubs in Denmark with frequent lectures, interesting tournaments and excellent atmosphere, they also like my prints and are among my first customers! Im' SO proud to have them hanging there and it will be fun to see the row expand as I draw more portraits for the chess series!!

 

Currently, I'm working on a portrait of the Danish Grandmaster Peter Heine Nielsen! I'm a bit of a nationalist and I think he's the strongest Danish player for a long time. There are many interesting faces in the chess world though, so ideas everywhere. A couple of people have asked me about drawing Magnus Carlsen, but when I do that it'll either be of his child-self (11 years) or one or two years from now, when he's a young man. Teenagers are difficult to draw because it's so difficult to get a grasp of their molten personalities, especially a subtly reserved one like Carlsen. Also, I'm interested in drawing the people who receive less spotlight first.

 

I'm looking forward to my exam in two weeks, because after that I'll have summer vacation and really have a lot of time to draw (unless I sell my time working. Am applying for study jobs at the moment.) Exams for some reason have always been fun for me, and while the others dread I usually look forward to it. I think it's because the stress is similar to what you experience before a chess game and I've learned to deal with that. In fact, a chess game is far more stressing, lasting up to 7 hours where an exam is only 30 minutes. And especially when I've prepared for the opponent, things can get tense pre-game. What will they play!? Atleast with censor I know he'll be throwing literal questions out that answers can be played with in worst case scenario, whereas over the board there's suddenly no way out of the situation, the hideousness of your mistake laughs you in your face and you DIE (slowly). Well, your army does, which is just as bad! I've never been brutally slaughtered over "the green table".

 

In other news, I've finished uploading the contents of the galleries, but am still making changes to the style of the website here and there. I just had a friend inform me I might want to heighten the contrast of text versus background, so I'll ponder that. Anyone agree? Is reading it too hard on the old eyes of you guys? I'm still playing with the layout, so it's never too late to make changes. :) In fact, it's probably one of the only things I won't stop doing.

 

17/05/08

Take breath away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

 

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
human who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for without that I would die.

 

~ Pablo Neruda

 

There's a love poem for you.

 

09/05/08

It's summer! And so far Danish weather has been perfect. I've got a semi-irrelevant exam project to focus on for the next month, so I'm gonna spend less time on this site until that's finished. No time to draw, either. I'm suffering withdrawal symptoms by now from not drawing, but a nice, long break is a good thing. I've noticed that there are errors on this site on laptops with strange resolutions, and I'll try to fix some of that, though it's difficult to know where they are because I don't have direct access to a laptop myself. People are welcome to send me screenshots of distorted graphics if you see them to carina2b@hotmail.com, so I can deal with it. Commentary of the Mtel chess tournament just began yesterday on ICC, which means I have to find an excuse to sit indoor 6 hours a day to watch it, haha. I used to draw during broadcasts, but I think this time I'll keep myself occupied with coding. :) There's definitely plenty of work to be done with this!

 

01/05/08

Phew! I finished a few more sections of this site, including Prints, which I'm totally proud of. Understanding the code presented a huge challenge on a field I according to previous self-definitions wouldn't have an interest in. But it's funny, because just accomplishing small things was hugely satisfying because I consider myself such a newbie at scripting, whereas in for example art I have to really go out of my way to make something special before I allow myself to be proud of my work, and then even one mistake can ruin the entire piece for me. Actually, your favourite hobby can one day become cruel because it demands so much of you. I guess it's useful to get new hobbies once in a while, to break out of the comfort zone of doing what you know well how to do, and feel like a beginner again. Needing others help to succeed is also an advantage to being a beginner, compared to the lonely independence of expertise. I'd very much like to thank Peter for helping me understand things and not encouraging me to quit, that was invaluable guidance to me. And Palle for testing the system, and Kjeldsen for taking screenshots of and making stupid, hilarious comments about every error on the site, LOL.

 

Well, I hope to get the Commission and Artist section up within a week, and then I'll start polishing stuff up and add the missing contents to the galleries. Sadly, the school project ends on Monday and the exam project begins, and I really WILL have to be sneaky if I can somehow get permission to continue working with this, hahaha......

 

I've also added an Extras section for fun stuff. I hope the concept of making tuturials (probably in Flash) will inspire me to be more thorough with my sketches, since they're embarrasingly inaccurate in the beginning stages and I might save a lot of time by simply correcting all anatomy at stage one, instead of falling for the temptation that Photoshop provides, to fix things gradually. So I'll be thinking about this when I start my next drawing, and try to keep it clean for you guys!

 

16/04/08

Look forward to the middle of May. I know I certainly do, because that's when I expect to have this site's main elements figured out. I began to rebuild the original site from scratch two weeks ago as my project for school. If I'm sneaky, I can somehow make it my exam project as well!

 

The galleries are currently missing the main body of my work, but I don't think I'll fix that untill later (a few weeks from now), since things like php demand attention. If you're impatient, feel free to browse www.carina.tegnebordet.dk. This gallery contains alot more stuff than I'll ever put here, including old drawings.

 

I'm having prints made of my most popular drawings. Soon, you'll also be able to commission me, based on buying a certain number of hours for your artwork. If you have a favourite drawing which you'd like to have a print of, use the contact form to let me know and I'll have it made.

 

In other news, I'm spending lots of time with chess these days, because it's relaxing. Might sound weird, but compared to learning scripting, grandmaster games are like the nicest thing ever. Thank you!

 

- Carina